I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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