Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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