but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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