Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
