Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
