I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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