Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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