i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
operation harelip BJ is a go
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
