im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
