I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
