I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
