She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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