quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
