whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
