First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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