now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
