I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
