Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
