I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
