did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do herpes really smell.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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