I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
