Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
