Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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