wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
