I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
