it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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