If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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