I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
