If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
