Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
