garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
