What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
