You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
