Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
