so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
this is an emotional support booty call
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
