you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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