nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
