oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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