Yo dont text me then not text me
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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