I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
