First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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