I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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