I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
tell me about the fingering
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