I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
