You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
