nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
