We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
