How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
