Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
