Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
