There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
my liver is dry heaving
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have post one night stand depression
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