Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
