shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
