No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
