i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
