I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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