I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
