Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
