ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
