genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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