My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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