I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
