Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Randomize