4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
