Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
