my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
