I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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