And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
