Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
