it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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