Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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