so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
