I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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