Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
