I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
