you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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