I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just threw up on my dentist
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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