The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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