My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
