My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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